With that, lemme set the scene: Its a close game but we trailed throughout because of a mixture of turnovers, offensive rebounds and good defensive plays by us that somehow went right back to the offense because my defenders cant pick up the ball 🙄 So anyway, this guy's cheese of choice was the Double Team, for those that don't know, it has a nasty history in 2K--short version? Back in 2K6 Online, guys found they could double all your players and tie you up 24/7 if you didnt pass the ball immediately. What's changed since then? As embarrassing as this is to say: NOT MUCH. Its what online gamers refer to as a Single Outcome. Cheesers love these because they can know how the instance will end when they trigger the double team. They know you'll have to quickly pass and since passing lane steals are easy this year? They're in business. Its like a tick-tack-toe game where you know what your opponents next move will be. 🤨
Its so bad the Double Team actually has this outcome where you throw a bad pass even after you beat the double and find the open man. That's just cruel and unusual punishment 😂 So its basically the Patron Saint of unbalanced mechanics.
So its late in the 4th and sure enough, this guy is calling a double team every time I cross half-court. You'd think in 12 yrs it'd be more balanced by having reaching and contact fouls called, and by draining serious amounts of fatigue, right? Welp. Maybe next year. Anyway, so we're down 45-47 and there's three minutes left in the game. After a Tatum fall-away misses I see JJ downcourt open, Ben rifles a pass to him right at the 3pt line, JJ loads up...........................
You're killing me JJ--just killing me. Almost, right? So they get the rebound but we're back on D. My three best defenders are already across mid-court but suddenly he throws a one-handed home-run pass toward Al Horford 70 feet away under the basket. I know that you're thinking: Turnover. Dumb move, right? That's gonna be a steal.....right? Somebody's atleast gonna bat it away, right? I can only watch in horror as a member of the all-defensive team (Embiid) and a guy who averaged almost two steals a game last year (Simmons) turn their backs AS THE BALL IS IN THE AIR (wait, what?) and let Horford catch a pass all the way from the OTHER 3pt line right under the Celtics frigging basket. UNBELIEVABLE.
I facepalm.
But alas....it gets worse. Because the real threat of letting full-court passes be completed all over the place has always been the OTHER open situations it creates. And as I prepare for him to get an easy 2pts this happens:
BANG. And just like that.......we're down five.
Sometimes the good guys don't win ya'll.
So after a timeout, trading baskets and misses--and this crazy sequence where we can't secure a rebound to save our lives. I'm serious, check it out:
We've got just over a minute left down five. I cross half-court and can only sigh.....here we go again:
Luckily, I keep the ball moving and away from their always-swiping-but-never-fouling, grubby lil' hands and eventually get the ball to Embiid who scores. [NOTE: Take a second to notice how a double automatically forces him out of his post-up, but doesn't risk a foul. Like, who drew that up? Fix the Double Team--like, seriously] OK, down three with 57 seconds to play. Time to get a stop:
Sweet, right? By the way, am I like, the only one who thinks we need to see more loose ball fouls?
Ok so we're ready to rock. 38 seconds to tie this thing. I cross half-court and sure enough: TRAP. Buuuut my second-best 3pt shooter is open on the left wing:
GOT EM'!
Tied at 52 i'm all fist-pumping and gyrating in front of the TV like a crazy person. Luckily i'm home alone because you'd have thought there was a fight downstairs or something. So after I finish celebrating i'm getting back on defense and he inbounds the ball. All five of my players are across mid-court and back on D so i'm good....right? Right? Right?!?!?
Kyrie takes two dribbles and fires the ball down-court from the other 3pt line (yes--again) towards Tatum, Simmons and Robert Covington (who just happens to be a 1st Team all-NBA defender who was top 10 in steals last year and second in deflections) My heart sinks as they both turns their backs to the ball as it flies towards its destiny:
Just like that, the Thrill of Victory, the Agony of Defeat.
*SIGH* He hits the free throw and just like that we're down three again, 27 seconds left. We cross half-court and like clockwork, here comes the trap. I throw it to Cov who's wide open on the left wing again aaaaaand..........
Welp. Its all over but the crying now, Jalen Brown goes to the free throw line:
Seriously?? We're still in this thing! I quickly get the ball to Simmons who's all the way on the other side of the court? Wait...he's where?? Damnit, I could have thrown the ball out of bounds or easily had it stolen. If any devs read this could you guys pretty please (with a friggin' cherry on top) give us an option for a PG outlet so our goddamn PG stays back to get the ball? JESUS man. And could he also like, choose a spot away from all the guys blindly spamming steal even though they have no clue where the pass is going? Thanks. Some of us like getting the ball to our best ball-handlers--crazy I know 🙄
Anyway, 14 seconds left and there's no way i'm calling timeout to let him get his defense set. I wait for the other guys to catch up (again, seriously: why in the HELL are our PGs streaking down-court?) and call a play, then the strangest, weirdest thing happens. His defenders start jumping as he mistimes two blocks. Really? I hope the devs find a way to punish that kind of thing next year, it looks flippin' ridiculous. My guys are getting into their spots but the clock is ticking. 9...8...7...6...5...
4...3...2....Then I spot JJ on the left wing open:
BANG. OT Bitches.
I'm over here dying laughing...but seriously, I hope you guys enjoyed this. I'll definitely finish this story up sometime this week. Its gets better. TRUST.
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